Merry Christmas

Even though the blog has been a bit silent lately, during the holidays I've been thinking much about y'all.

My mother's standard benediction anytime during the holidays is: "Drive safe! There's so many drunks out!"

So this Christmas I questioned her on it. "Really, Mom? Why would the drunks be out on Christmas Eve? I mean, New Years Eve? I understand. But why Christmas Eve?"

"Because everybody's getting drunk because they have to see their families and they have such trouble in their families."

She told several illustrative stories about her parishioners whose distressing families make holidays agonizing. And I decided she's right. People are incredibly disappointed and tortured by their families. And these kind of ritual celebrations, where we work so hard to avoid naming all the elephants under our family tables, can be the most bizarre, surreal experiences...

I'm lucky that I have such an idyllic (albeit, desperately screwed up in some ways) family...

...but on the other hand, there's something about Christmas that reminds us that we're always trying to recover something magical from our memories -- that we hope or suspect or desire will emerge from the people we remember. That our gatherings will somehow be everything good we faintly remember and also completely fulfill who we have become since then.

The older we get, the more cynical we get, the more we know that we can't ever find *that* on Christmas -- but in the looking and the considering and preparing not to get -- I find myself incredibly grateful. Both for the real, albeit fragmented and imperfect love i share with my given family. And also for all the love I've felt with and through so many of you.

Hope you've found some...

peace~