- cushman contest update -

D. J. R. sent me an email address, but I've received no confirming email as yet from Joel, so (according to the contest rules) I can't declare him the winner until I confirm that this is -- indeed a legit email address.

Unfortunately for our programming sensibilities Cushman didn't starve in Europe. In fact, he seems to have returned to a pretty normal life. But his August 4 entry has an amusing quote -- particularly for those of you, who, like me have emerged from fundamentalism.....

Jesus the Virgin at Cedarville College

(bringing more bemusement to cedarvillians than to the unwashed....)

I dreamed that Lynn and I went to Dr. D.'s funeral (knock on wood -- as far as I know he hasn't passed) &, surprise, surprise, it had quality stamped all over it.

Sorta. Or maybe just bizarre carnivalesque stamped all over it.

We had to park downtown Cedarville, and I ran into Dave Hamblin (current Malone student) over by Lawlor Hall, only they had broken up Lawlor and were calling each wing a different name. He lived in the back wing and when I asked if I could stop by to borrow a tie, he said sure stop by Unit 28 in Ashanti (hindu for peace).

Well I had to get going, because I knew things would be getting started. I joined mom, dad, ang & lynn in the vestibule of the D.M.C. (which had been added onto with another vast floor above the existing one. Floor to Ceiling window. Candles burning EVERYWHERE and -- of course -- the pep band. Trying to play staid music.

They were interupted by David Robey and Dave Ormsbe. "Make no mistake," said Robey, "this depiction is true. Jesus died as a virgin."

Suddenly there were torches and drums and sitars playing. and actors dressed as roman soldiers and disciples and Caspar Van Dien dressed as Jesus. He looked astonishingly like the White Jesus paintings that have dominated the last couple centuries of Jesus-depicting.

(BTW ~ went to embody site yesterday, and this is clearly some source material for the dream ~ look out its flash and you can probably only spend enough time if you've got a fast connection)

"Jesus" gave a speech on abstinence and gradually laid down on the floor in the middle of the crowd of Cedarville students come-to-mourn.

Roman soldiers hoisted his body up and took it away.

Inside the auditorium, the band had already started playing, but the band director came up to me (not anyone I'd ever met before) and let me know that he had met me last year at homecoming. I smiled, nodded, shook his hand, played polite. But he just stared at me like that meant like we had LOTS to talk about.

it's the kind of interaction that I imagine Daniel having on a regular basis with his parishioners. (btw ~ if you have a weak stomach, beware that last link).

So then I had to go give my regards to Pat D. who had taken to a large queen size bed right there in the foyer. Gloria was in a chair by her bedside, telling her a hilarious story about getting lost on the way to the funeral.

She was laughing and laughing until I started talking, I was relating a story about cleaning out my closet. Pat just turned over and went to sleep.

I slipped into the auditorium where Jeff Beste was leading the congregation in hymns. Incense was burning everywhere. Pew candles at the end of each pew were lit and there were thousands of people there.

John Ruhlin (Malone student) got up and gave a talk about the inevitability of scientific theory catching up with theology eventually. Only he was absolutely too smart for me to understand. (that's when I knew it was a dream.... JUST KIDDING, John!)

It is when i started waking up...

well, we leave for our last pilgrimage of the summer later today so the blog will be relatively silent for the upcoming week. hope you become deeper and truer this week. and that you rest. that may be one of my resolutions this schoolyear -- REST as a spiritual discipline.

(so far the list is: 1.spend time with non-students, 2. feel more, think less.)

peace~

- took the enneagram test a couple of days ago -- came out with these results...they don't resonate with me...i wanted to be a four. sort of.

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

- fell asleep at nine last night. think i'm overtired. sorry i didn't call you, Gary (if you're reading) & Brendon (pretty sure you're not)

- rumour is that Brendon (et. al.) up and moved to Austin TX -- where I've been wanting to visit for quite some time -- still -- sad to have him go so far...

- had a family movie night last night because, i think, both parents were so exhausted that that was the only feasible toddler survival strategy.

- got some relieving news at work -- a major stressor has been removed! (not tenure & promotion -- still slaving away on that...)

- the tile we want for the bathroom is on backorder for two weeks -- so the project will be on hold once the walls are sanded and painted. so far it looks airy & light. so opposite from the 70s ski lodge that its been for so many years.

- speaking of TandM construction (who we love) -- Toby is blogging now! Welcome, Tob!

- we leave for myrtle beach on friday for a week with the in-laws. Jan asked some incredibly probing insightful questions about family relations while she visited.

- Addison is cutting molars and so has this psychotic edge which suddenly appears in the middle of his otherwise: cute, happy, laid back personality.

- our basement is almost dry from last weeks floods. had to throw out the old mint green carpet that we had salvaged from the last owners of our house. what a loss!

- Trena successfully shot her whole film over the weekend! Kudos to crew!

- Jared's grandfather passed away -- (see his blog for details)

- life feels pretty much like a list right now. ah the marriage of form and content...

~peace.

- hollywood crumbles - listening for the Divine -

last year's roommate Katie stopped by yesterday for a long catch-up. it was great to hear her infectious lefter, be regaled by her anecdotes & hear about her plans -- which are nebulous --

this occupational hazard of finding friends in your students -- it turns out -- means that you go through the "vocational" struggle a thousand times more than you (in this case me) already have...

so Katie spent a year in Hollywood and found that the sheen faded quickly. Its been an interesting year for me -- because for years, i have spent so much of my time / energy writing-toward-hollywood -- and yet the sheen was deeply dulled by Katies experience -- and now my friend Gary's financier has backed out of his promised movie -- more darkness falls...

i know that these are archtypal hollywood tales, but i felt ill-prepared to receive them on behalf of MY friends. And unready for how much they would distress my own faraway - exotic - other - midwesterner's - sheen - over - hollywood....

I find it interesting that through such gut-punches to the "original dreams" -- some part of the "dream" usually stays intact -- possibly grows stronger. is that pride and stubbornness? -- or a trustworthy impulse --

For me -- my devotion to storytelling remains undiminished...

Jan (THE Jan, from which Jaelyn's name is half-derived) is in from MN & had dinner with us & ended up crashing here when the thunderstorm started.

She's just started working with a Spiritual Director -- something Lynn and I are very interested in --

This woman suggested that she start by LISTENING for God. And gave her a great word picture.

And so -- of course -- I plied her (Jan) with my summer-long question: but HOW? HOW do we listen for God?

Jan relayed that the woman suggested that the experience would be different for everyone -- some a palpable hearing or feeling or seeing. Some through dreams or ....

And suddenly a light came on for me. I do think that I hear God when WRITING.

Ted called me back to journaling as a discipline earlier this summer when he visited. It was an awkward prophetic moment, as I suppose all friend - prophetic - moments - in - kitchens are --

but for the last month his words have been taking root in me, and when Jan said this -- it felt as if it came together for me.

When I'm writing, I think I'm best at discernment, insight, elaboration.

And I said in an earlier blog I hear God speak through the contours of my life, my story, but that doesn't seem as much an instance of divine INTERVENTION & PRESENCE-- which is really what I'm looking for -- special evidence in an de-magical-ized world.

I'm verging on the sort of blogging that would make Lynn blush because, as she so aptly puts it: "what kind of person would do that? Journal? and then show other people?!"

Mist left behind from the fierce rains of the night is drifting over the trees all around our neighborhood. Its already 6:18 a.m., but it looks like it could be night -- a bright night -- or day -- a dark dark day. I love the in-betweens.

peace~

- what happened yesterday -

So much happened yesterday. If I wax essayistic about each *thing*, I could write an alternate universe.

So I'll try adapting the idiom of the internet -- brevity.

Ang & Ryan moved. (after a long battle with U-Haul clerks who were annoyingly friendly)

Mark & Toby successfully installed the upstairs toilet! (no more midnight treks down two flights of stairs!)

Jeff, with my cowardly help, transported a SKUNK in our mini van from Marcia's back yard (it had lived under her house) to the local park / frisbee golf course. (Wives & Kids cheered as "Sonja" ambled through the grass to her new life.)

A woman in A & R's church told them, just before they went to sleep Saturday Night that a woman SHOT herself in their bedroom. Where they have lived for the last year.

And though Ang didn't say this -- I'm pretty sure that this is a secret that their whole church has been keeping from them. (The house they lived in is the "youth pastor house" for a string of youth pastors.)

Of course my interest in the story is primarily Proprietary --

PITCH: young couple moves from house where ghost has lived unbeknownst to them. Ghost liked their life so much that she moved WITH them -- but started to act up once she was in a new * place *.

TOBY's ICING on the PITCH: The couple's spending all this effort trying to figure out how this ghost came to be in their new (older) home -- combing through history, etc... but they'll never find a record there, will they? Because THEY BROUGHT the ghost from their home.

Dunh, dunh, dunh.

Addison slept in his NEW BIG BOY bed for the first two times yesterday and last night. No problems. He loves it!

Aunt Jan comes to town today! The whole family's excited...

peace~

Aghast at the Mysteries of Blogging

One of the most interesting dimensions of blogging, dear audience, is that * you * may very well not exist.

I may devote earnest efforts to conjure you (emails, subtle references to blogcontentn in F2F conversation)...

But – in the end – you may or may not exist (/read). Who knows?

COMBINE this mystery of blogging with another delightful one –

The relative invisibility of existing bloggers. Try to find this blog with a search engine. I dare you. I don’t think you can do it. Well actually as long as you use the EXACT NAME of the blog -- you can do it, but you only know the name because you've been here. Just try to find the blog without that specialized knowledge...pretty hard, eh?

* but * even once you “find” “me” – JUST by reading you * still * can’t “reach me.”

Try to find (I dare you) a way to respond to me on this page.

Hunh? Can’t do it! Its crazy!

If I actually PAID blogspot for this space – there would be a space for comments – but I’m cheap, and (frankly) a little afraid of my ability to stay “true” to blogging…so for now i'm a freeloader...

So the truth is that not only are many blogs unfindable / invisible, but they are also unrespondable – rendering them doubly invisible.

WHICH BRINGS ME – to my point....

I found my friend Joel’s blog a couple of weeks ago, and have enjoyed watching him trek through Europe…hearing his refreshing, hilarious, passionate voice again….BUT…

Even though I’ve found him. I can’t * reach * him. He doesn’t know that I’m listening. That I exist (in cyberspace at least)

So my idea was -- I'll put it up as a contest on my blog -- first person to send me Joel's email address wins. Since everyone's connected by six degrees of separation anyway -- it shouldn't be too hard.

BUT as if this were a fox-network-blog – there's a twist. Here’s the latest entry from “cushman”:

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Quite possibly the most amazing two days I've had. Amazing in the sense of me going completely homeless core. Jenkins and I went homeless all night in Milan waiting to catch our flight. Today has consisted of me in downtown Brussels constantly looking for a bed down in city parks; also trying to conserve my last euro coins; At one point I actually thought about going begging; Tonight I'm stranded by Marcus and am hoping to bed down in the Brussels airport; possibly the most hard core I've gone in awhile; Despite me being almost out of euros; I'm digging on this experience.
- posted by Joel @ 12:00 PM

Making up hipster language like "homeless core" is just like Joel! And for him (unlike if I tried to do it), it works!

But despite his ability to use language well, apparently, he's disappearing into poverty in Europe somewhere. Possibly Brussels. Running out of Euros to eat (but still blogging -- that's heroism -- a sense of the tragic frame! if you must die in poverty, make sure you do it with an audience (see _Rent_)).

Who knows what’s happened to Joel since? My little contest * could * be a very short - lived reality – show – style - blog - quest.

If we don’t find him soon – we may very well -- in hyperreal time – See Cushman Starve.

Of course, if I were a normal guy and this were a normal blog the whole thing would have said, “Hey! Anybody know my friend Joel Larson from BG? Do you read his cushman blog? Do you have his email address?” But that’d be way too easy.

Besides this way – maybe I'll come up with prizes...

Happy International Forgiveness Day! Be sure to keep forgiving everybody that you need to…it’s the hardest work we can do as humans. As my Newcastle Ale cap read the other day: “life’s too short to be bitter.” (in terms of beer, I disagree, but in terms of forgiveness – Amen!)

Peace & Forgiveness ~