An Alternate Grand Theory of the Universe
did you read about how physicists are proposing a grand theory of the universe? Essentially it's this:
The universe is made out of very tiny squiggling strings.
(personally i don't see the appeal of "strings." I definitely would have elected *spaghetti* (enh? gives the Italians a new lease on life regarding their cultural contribution -- since the Roman Empire, along with Empires in general sort of went out of vogue a few years ago... or why not worms? they probably shot themselves in the foot by using that metaphor for "wormholes" when popularizing the discourse around the theory of relativity.)
But really (!) I don't want to help the physicists out any more than i already have. In fact. I think its high time that we poets and prophets and humanities folks offer our own alternative:
Grand Unifying Theory of the Universe.
So here's my initial idea:
The universe is held together with paper clips. Seriously. Every social reality which comes to mean something, somewhere, to someone in a way that has consequences...is....somewhere....bound together with another social reality by means of:
paper clips.
seriously.
What is the cause of war and divorce and famine and global warming? People are taking the paper clips off of the wrong groups of paper and re-clipping in ways that don't match. (some people call it "globalization" (thanks a lot for your role in that, too, Roman Empire!) -- i just call it "re-clipping")
your helpful contributions to the theory will be welcomed.
The universe is made out of very tiny squiggling strings.
(personally i don't see the appeal of "strings." I definitely would have elected *spaghetti* (enh? gives the Italians a new lease on life regarding their cultural contribution -- since the Roman Empire, along with Empires in general sort of went out of vogue a few years ago... or why not worms? they probably shot themselves in the foot by using that metaphor for "wormholes" when popularizing the discourse around the theory of relativity.)
But really (!) I don't want to help the physicists out any more than i already have. In fact. I think its high time that we poets and prophets and humanities folks offer our own alternative:
Grand Unifying Theory of the Universe.
So here's my initial idea:
The universe is held together with paper clips. Seriously. Every social reality which comes to mean something, somewhere, to someone in a way that has consequences...is....somewhere....bound together with another social reality by means of:
paper clips.
seriously.
What is the cause of war and divorce and famine and global warming? People are taking the paper clips off of the wrong groups of paper and re-clipping in ways that don't match. (some people call it "globalization" (thanks a lot for your role in that, too, Roman Empire!) -- i just call it "re-clipping")
your helpful contributions to the theory will be welcomed.
posted by Redbaerd at 4:28 PM
1 Comments:
Hey Nathan,
in my mind I've written about seven witty rejoinders about what these paper clips might be, but for the life of me, tonight, i can't remember any of them.
I think that I wrote a screenplay once, in which I posited that certain stable, dependable people might just be those paper clips. You know like social paper clips. If they're going to call those particles strings, why couldn't we call certain people paper clips?
Do Southern Baptists celebrate advent?
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