where i'm from :: random thoughts :: strangers at stoplights

i wrote a post that i self-monitored (and decided not to post) while i was in michigan. a wall of depression broke over my head for no rational reason in the middle of a conversation / debate -- around the table-o-great-fun.

it was the old: i'm from here? i'm from here. i'm from....?

malaise.

my post was all about.

Ahh. We can never go home. *Home* is eroded by globalization and mass media and monopolizing capitalism.

the good news is that it was a brief wave of hysteria -- passed quickly -- had a fun weekend -- and by the end was able to say again.

i am from there.

there is where i come from.

i think i recently rediscovered the part of my fundamentalist heritage which had me entering (and winning, goshdarnit) preacher boy contests -- here on the blog. as a result i started sketching out a script -- a short & long version of _Preacher Boy_....

but from everything that i've been reading -- SAVED is a story straight from the same universe....

in some ways its hard to say with pride that i'm *from* a fundamentalist world -- but i think the difficulty is more in that i've chosen to emerge to a position not to far off from it -- still very associated with the structures and institutions of evangelical christianity -- more that loose connection than it is about any personal responsibility i bear for the horrible things i used to say and do and believe.

i'm thinking of switching to a new tagline for the backburner -->

Stories:Here & Now:Eachother . Dot . Blog

I've been thinking that that moment when you pull up next to someone on a city street -- at a stopline or in the passing lane, and you both look over at each other -- that that moment is pretty profound.

its like a hyper-performance of all kinds of cultural meaning.

Here we are: we think at each other: strangers. Staring at each other. How embarrassing. How normal. How fleeting. How ridiculous.

And then we don't think, but our milieu hums to itself:

How Identical They Are! How Oblivious!

How they rush together to an anonymous simultaneous secret!

How they move in tandem! But how unrecognizable their dance is to themselves!

Its getting late isn't it?

Today the world feels cruel and steely and absurd to many of my student/friends. And for them, to me it does too. I'm thinking of you all day, mourning friends.

peace~