10 minute posts

i've been reading plays lately. lots of tragedies. do you know what tragedies are? (i know you do, i'm not trying to be pedantic. i've just realized anew what they are.) tragedies are endings where characters realize something about themselves that they've been avoiding.

so last night as i polished off a few glasses of mark's homemade great wine -- i had a moment which, if i were to have died or been raptured (imagine my surprise at *that* moment) or a curtain come sweeping across his porch and thunderous (or measly applause) followed, would have been tragic.

i asked mark to be honest as i pitched him the play i've been toiling over for a few days. i love how well mark's b.s. detector works. he was "intrigued," but he said words that were a deathknell even through my buzz and the beautiful summer air. "sounds therapeutic."

shit.

"therapeutic."

ugh.

so now i'm back to trying to figure out what story to spend my summer developing. i've had brilliant and confusing conversations with my friends gary and cliff -- these in-the-process-of-succeeding filmmakers who i'm *so* glad to have as friends. (they weren't confusing. i think that they have life much more by the balls than i. its me and what i want and what i've done and where i am thats confusing.)

didn't it seem like everyone you knew who was thirtysomething was a little more sure of what they were up to than you feel like you are now that you're (t/)here.

i love (/hate) these the the lyrics:

Mirror, mirror on the wall
You've watched me grow since I was small
So what will I regret the most
The things I do or the things I don't?
The deeper you peer into my soul
You'll find that I already know

But I can't say it
Because I can barely face it
My life is halfway through
And I still haven't done
What I'm here to do

so my new plan is:

(my new plans! -- if i had a nickel for every new plan)

ten minute posts only...

so rants might get curbed in the middle....

the happiest part of my day? i get to go out with Lynn, my girlfriend, who i miss lately, but i think is incredibly attractive. i'm hoping to get lucky...

peace~