vacation, retraction, reflection

we spent the last week in michigan. drove from canton at 6 p.m. last thursday, returned to casacommunitas at 12:30 this morning.

during the trip up, lynn and i had some deep - dark and some deep - light talks...i felt much closer to her. seems like talking / conversation -- the value we share most deeply and that binds us most fiercely to each other -- is always priced at a premium these days ...

spent several days with dave and linda in south haven, mi. we hadn't been there before, but it seemed just about perfect. the extended gibbs family has been singing its praises in several keys for several years and so finally their witness broke through and i accepted this particular unique salvation.

what was the shape of this grace?

free bikes from our inn, so meandering conversational bike rides, plenty of great food, "committee meetings" galore, some hardcore sunburning on the shore of lake michigan, lots of rich dialogue about everything imaginable.

late one night, after my E self had pretty much vampired all the energy of the other three I's in the room....i proclaimed -- "that's all there is in the world! memories and relationships!"

it still seems like a worthwhile axiom, but later we discovered that i had left out essential things like eating and tables in that particular equation...

hung out for a long time with each of my brothers and parents by the pool at geborgenheit. with david was provoked by the shocking revelation that he doesn't think about the future. no five year plan. no ten year plan. no thoughts of legacy or coherence. just honesty and genuineness *now*.

with daniel we debated pacifism and then the redemptive arc hermeneutic...

which brings me to the retraction -- turns out that LYNN is NOT a pacifist. she's just clearly opposed to the war we've most recently engaged in and thinking really hard about the implications of a commitment to nonviolence.

resultant self discovery: turns out that i am more likely to EMBRACE *then* consider when it comes to new positions. this may be a helpful rubric for those of you struggling to justify my earlier self descriptions as *liberal* and *pacifist*. i chalk this up to my 1.) penchant for hyperbole, 2.) my empathic strain, 3.) my procilivity to think outloud (i think marcia gave me the term "external processor"), & 4.) my tendency to want to think / be / perform outside of "the box". which, if you think about it, is kind of odd because this whole *embracing* thing just locks me into a new box...

sometime i'll devote a whole blog to how affixing our identities to the various discursive formations that surround us is always problematic and conflictual....but (big sigh of relief audience) not today.

have i fulfilled the promises of my title? can i end for the day?

i do want to offer a shout out to John who is a new blogger and has a goshdarn deep blog entry...

~peace.