the hard part about community

It's ten thirty and I'm avoiding all the things I should do, because suddenly there are so many things that need to be done. The internet seems to play to this tendency in me. I suspect its because it simmers with incipient connection (incipient is a favorite word of mine). In moments where I'm feeling overwhelmed, I find myself craving some kind of quick satisfaction. The two that are most appealing to me (for better or worse) is a *real* connection with some person / idea / story OR food.

I'm trying not to go with the frig tonight, so I'll blog into the great wide open.

Everythings going *CRUNCH* right now because I'm heading to Kalida tomorrow. Erin -- my friend and former student -- 's dad died. I don't know the details yet. I'm just feeling the ugly thud in my stomach of death. I've been talking about death to the kids today. Its inevitability. Its importance. Its finality. The brokenness left in its trail.

So I'm buzzing across the state for calling hours -- which is the LEAST I can and should do -- but as I'm trying to put all the pieces together I'm struck by this idea -- that COMMUNITY costs something.

This is not a surprise, but it seems profound to me right now. I ran into this great blog -- Ordinary Community --yesterday and I was longing for the things they were articulating (even though I'd say I *have* some degree of them -- as much as "community" is a thing that you can have), but then later I was thinking Yeahbut -- community as GOD TERM is sooo not enough (inasmuch as it is a rhetorical move). Because Community Costs.

So that's my backburner of the day today.